So tomorrow is my weekly "cervical check" and I'm nervous as hell. I don't wanna go. The ONLY reason why I want to go is because my Peri is awesome, and every time we have to do a check, he tries to get me a good 3D picture of Dylan if he's in the right position, so getting to see my little man every week is a plus. The reason as to why I have to get my cervix checked every week is because I have what is called a "Dynamic Cervix" ......... meaning that it changes in length without any notice, the lowest that it has gotten so far is a 2.0 which was why I was in the hospital again for a week this last time, but it can change in length and be back up to about a 3.0 the next week....... my cervix is very "untrustworthy" as one doctor had put it, which is why I'm supposed to be on strict bed rest until Dylan is born. The more pressure and weight I have on my cervix, the more it causes my cervix to shorten, which is why as Dylan continues to grow and weigh more, its even more important for me not to be up on my feet at all. The last time I had my cervix checked was two weeks ago when they released me from the hospital, it was back up to a 2.6 ....... which still isn't the greatest... they like it to be at least 3.0 or above.... but it was enough for him to let me come home...... with the knowledge that if it ever goes back down to below a 2.0 that I would be back in the hospital until Dylan is born. I don't want to be back in the hospital. I don't want to have any more IV's put in ( I already have two matching scars on each hand from them) I don't want to be put back on Magnesium, I don't want to be hooked up to monitors, and be woken up every 2-4 hours. I don't want to spend any more time in the Hospital around monitors, and wires, and beeping machines than I have to before Dylan is born seeing as we'll be spending a lot of time in there after he is born. I'm frustrated that THIS is my first experience of pregnancy, and becoming a mother. I'm sad that I'll probably not be able to get my Maternity pictures done. I'm sad that I have to be in bed all day instead of being able to go to the store and walk down the baby isle when I want too..... I'm sad that I'm not buying cute little shirts to show off my cute little belly because I can't go anywhere to wear them. I'm sad that I can't just enjoy BEING pregnant and doing "normal" things before Dylan gets here, because I know that the real fight starts after Dylan is born. I know that all of those things are not as important as keeping Dylan inside for as long as possible to give him the best chance at fighting, but I can't help but be sad about them.
So I got a little off track of what I wanted this post to be about, but my fingers wouldn't let me stop typing :)
THE point is......... tomorrow is my next cervical check. Let's hope that it has not gone below a 2.0 and that I get to come home from the doctors appointment instead of getting shipped back to the hospital for good....... I can't go back to the hospital.... we have plans of sitting around and eating pizza and cake, and candy and celebrating our little peanut on Saturday...... and I've been looking forward to my cake ALL week! SO THERE you stupid Dynamic Cervix!! It's already been decided, you WILL cooperate tomorrow! (please!) :)
And P.S. ............ Diabetes test came back perfect.... so we're good there ;)
<3 hugs to every body!!!
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